You Are Not Alone: Finding Support in Life's Challenges

As humans, I think we're wired to love BIG. Big gestures, big before and after's, big deals, big drama... you get the gist. In my personal life, I've found that big can be overwhelming. Amid parenting a toddler, we're in the thick of big emotions that ping pong like a tennis tournament. Preferences change from moment to moment and how can someone so tiny be so big in their demands?! Like, for anyone who is interested, I'm available for hire as a hostage negotiator - I'm in the ring from sunup to sundown with the worst of them. 24/7. 😉

Joking aside - when things in our lives become too big/too overwhelming, I'm going to bet you 10:1 that the thing that is now too much, started really small. Maybe even teeny tiny, and then it continued to grow just out of notice till it hits the radar with a volcanic scale explosion. The signs were all there, but they just were a whisper. Not big enough to take the time to deal with, until they compiled into something unmanageable.  

Can you recall a time when you didn't take care of something when it was a little issue just for it to blow up in your face - days, weeks, years later?

We're human, we all can recall more than a few somethings - but what happens when this affects more than just a blip on the proverbial radar? A family that we've been spending time with (our kids are buddies) recently shared with us that they are divorcing. From the outside, they did not seem like the couple that was having issues. And if you were to ask the husband, they weren't - he is just as blindsided about the abrupt separation as we are. 

As I'm friends with his wife, he came to me asking if I had any insight into what was going on - because she had completely shut down and shut him out. I didn’t because I too was in the dark. I'll put a caveat in here, that this is also a new situation for me and my hubbs to navigate - friends divorcing. I can say that as a rule, judging doesn't lead to positive outcomes - we aren't in their relationship, conjecture is not something we even try to entertain, and we're not interested in picking sides amongst two very lovely people. But I'm a curious person and so when my husband came home after a camping trip with the husband and their kiddo with news of how they were doing, I was inclined to listen. The husband shared some of his thoughts as to what could be the root cause of such a big life change, so big in fact that the wife called all of their 15 years together, quits. 

As I listened to my husband repeat their dialog, my brain was saying "red flag, red flag, red flag..."

I did just make the statement above that I do my best not to jump to conclusions, but I have a good reason for having that opinion. I could see the signs because those were my signs as I was getting closer and closer to burnout. The signs when the problem was small, when the resentments were breezed over, when the problem(s) got pushed down. Our friends may not see what I see (or my way), but when you're on the outside it can provide a different perspective - when you aren't so entrenched, it can be easier to see the pattern(s) or how the dots got connected. 

From my perspective, what I see is burn out. The small problem became too big. And the big emotions became too overwhelming, to the point that cutting it all off seemed like the only viable option. We all have breaking points, and I think my friend just reached her’s. Which makes me sad - for her, for her husband and their family unit.  

I firmly believe that we are all on our own journey’s and we are served up unique challenges to help our soul’s grow during our time on earth. And we do have learning opportunities available to us (should we wish to see them that way) from all our up’s and down’s. I don’t know what the outcome will be for our friends as they navigate this new path set before them, but I will say this – we are not meant to go at this life alone. I’ll repeat it louder for the people in the back – WE ARE NOT MEANT TO GO AT THIS LIFE ALONE.

As a very special person said to me once, “we are not without our resources.” If you’ve read this far, or if any of this article is resonating with you – say it with me, “I am not without my resources.”

If I could wish anything for you (and I have A LOT of wishes for you), I wouldn’t wish away your struggles, your challenges, your defining moments that make you rise to a higher version of yourself. What I would wish away is the misbelief that you have to go it all alone. You don’t.  

So, to wrap up these thoughts, I’m going to write what I would tell my friends should they ever ask me my thoughts on their marriage ending.

---

My friends, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. A really hard time. I’m sorry for all the difficulties that you have been through and the one’s that lie ahead. But I’m not sorry for being here, in your life, right now and if you need me, I’m here. I can watch your kiddo, I can bring a bottle of wine, and I have endless hugs. You aren’t without your resources, and I know you can get through this too. It’s going to take time, but I’m not going anywhere – lean on me. I am happy to lighten your load. You are in my thoughts, prayers, and heart.