Seriously, No Mom is Balancing It All

I came across an article recently that got me fired up. Fired up in a good way I should add - it’s the notion of “how do you balance it all?” The article, linked here, surmises that although that question has good intentions, it’s a question with defeatist undertones. It may look like someone has it all together on the outside, but we’re really not asking the right question(s) to get the clear picture of the workings on the inside.

As parents, we all work, whether there is a paycheck associated with that job or not. At our house, we lovingly call first shift (our paying job) and second shift (being a parent). And unfortunately, the second shift never ends. It never stops - it’s just a rolling basis of taking care of our children’s needs, schedules and desires. The only time we’re quote “off” is when we hire outside care to take over the needs of our children during an allocated amount of time - that can be a nanny, daycare, school, a babysitter, extended family. Whatever makes up your mix of a support system.

I want to be frank here - the digital world does not (in my humble opinion) do a good job of accurately portraying what this mix looks like in real life. I follow CEO Mama’s that have 7, 8 figure businesses and the digital world makes it look like they do it all… In a day they run a fabulous business, make wholesome meals, shuttle their kids around to their various activities, exercise, meditate, have miraculously clean houses, take exciting vacations and still make time to go out with friends, get 8+ hours of sleep, have a fulfilling marriage while getting their precious solo time in… I’m calling bullshit.

I’m not calling bullshit on the fact that it’s achievable, but I’m calling bullshit that it’s getting accomplished by one person.

So, if you have failure feelings around not “doing enough” I want you to hit the pause button right there.

1) There is nothing wrong with you.
2) You are only seeing the tip of the proverbial iceberg

We all have 24 hours in the day and we cannot compare ourselves to others because we are not in their shoes, so we don’t know what’s actually going on in their lives.

I want to piggyback off the article that got me fired up and share what my real life is like - I do not have a perfectly clean house, I do not shuttle my kids everywhere, I work hard at a 9-5 corporate job and coach outside of those working hours, I exercise during my lunch breaks, I take 3 deep breaths when I wake up and call that meditation, my vacations are going to my parents house right now, my nights are broken up by a certain toddler learning how to potty train and a certain newborn, friendships are managed over texts, calls and funny gif’s (rarely in person these days), and the 1:1 time I get with my hubby is usually at the end of very long days.

Am I the best example of motherhood? Probably not, but here’s what I do achieve/experience; 

• Screen free time where I connect with my family, every day 
• Wholesome meals that my husband cooks 
• Spending time with my family and my kids get to know their CA grandparents
• Friends who understand that I’m “in the thick of it” without judgment
• A husband who knows that right now is not the most passionate time in our lives, but that we’re partners and that we have each other’s backs <- tell me that’s not the sexiest thing in the world?!
• A daycare that takes supremely great care of my kids
• Consistent time to work on my passion - coaching 
• Exercise being a way I spend ‘me time’ ad get out of the house

Each of our families are different. Each of our lives are different. But here’s one pattern I want to bring to the forefront - what is important to each of us, we give time to. And I don’t aspire to keep up with the Jones’s.

The goal: To trade our precious time in exchange for the most value - to get the most value of what is important to our individual lives. And this is where we need to lean into leverage.

Leverage is the difference between what you put in and what you get out. The difference between my family and the 7-8 figure CEO is that they don’t do it all and they probably do less on the family maintenance front than I do. They delegate, they prioritize and most importantly, they leverage the sh*t out of paid help. Not all of us have that luxury, so we have to work hard to make sure we’re leveraging what we do have. All the resources, help and systems we can put in place to make our ‘life admin’ a dull roar, not a constant scream for attention.

I share my personal journey, because I want you to know that without thousands of dollars to invest in outside help (and seriously, if that was an option for me, I would 100% lean into those things too - I will not say no to any and all help that I can realistically do) the things that are important to you CAN get done. You CAN:

• meditate
• exercise
• eat wholesome meals
• work a meaningful job
• be present at your kids activities
• have a miraculously clean houses that’s not possible, get another dream ;) 
• take exciting vacations and
• still make time to go out with friends 
• get 8+ hours of sleep 
• have a fulfilling marriage while 
• getting your precious solo time 

BUT - that may not all happen in the way you would ideally want, right now. You may only be able to get a few of those options today and as your life continues to shift (because it will), bake even more things that are important to you into your everyday life.

As the article linked above says, “It’s time to make it clear that balance doesn’t mean perfection; it means readjusting expectations, accepting help wherever you can find it (whether it is paid or unpaid), and allowing the messiness of motherhood.”