Self Love - Think of Your Body as A Home

It wasn’t that I was ambivalent about how I thought about my body pre-baby, it’s just that I had never really had any real struggles with it. We got along fine, we had our minor discrepancies and scrapes along the way, but overall it never occurred to me to dig much deeper into thinking about it. Nonetheless, consider the topic of self love into any real depth.

Post baby - for someone who naively thought, “I’ll snap back into shape with my old exercise routine, eating okay and wham, bam, thank you mam - we’ll be back to where we were.” But, that didn’t happen, that didn’t work and for someone who was not entirely present with her body in the first place, this felt like a real let down.

All of a sudden I had bumps, rolls, pudge, dimples (not the one’s on your face when you smile), and all that comes with a) gaining weight while growing a baby like a normal-ass human woman should and b) realizing that my life after a kiddo was NOT like before. I had very blindly assumed that I could get back into a pre-loved, well worn groove of operating, even with a kid. And any mom would tell you, that well worn groove - that previous mode of operating, welp lady that is entirely gone. Rest in peace old you. 

Did anyone, most importantly my husband, think any less of me with all the extra thickening I had acquired - no. Did I have to pass along some much loved pieces from my wardrobe - yes.
The worst I had to endure was after a year of not having much success in slimming down, my dad jokingly called me ‘husky petite.’ I will note here that it was in love and a true jest - he was not being malicious in any way with his comment. And seriously, not even a real blip on the radar. The truth though, is that my inner critic was on fire - doling out the negative self talk like it was a late night talk show.

But through that year, after being largely disconnected from my body for so long - it was a wake up call. My body - YOUR BODY - is capable of SO SO MUCH! It truly is amazing when you think about it from a functional perspective. All the systems that are working within you, for you to achieve the things you do every single day is candidly… miraculous.

The time came to leave the land of self delusion, to quiet that inner critic and enter the land of self love. True love for yourself, just as you are. The only way I could approach this subject (and I think metaphorically) was needing a metaphor for how to see myself. One that I could lean into or fall back on when I was feeling (and sometimes still feel) like I wanted my body to be different. 

Here’s my metaphor - Think of your body as a home. Not just any ol’ house, or the place where you currently live. Really think about what your body would be if it was a building that people lived and dwelled in.

Here’s how I think of myself; I imagine a Mediterranean Villa perched on a hillside overlooking the ocean off in the distance. I see the beauty of a building that has served many uses over multiple lifetimes. It’s cracked and pocked, it has secret hidey-holes, it’s a little quirky, but mostly filled with an exuberance of charm. You want to walk in, you want to explore all the nooks and crannies, you want to take your cafe au lait and enjoy a book on the surrounding terrace. You want to be here, dwell here, experience life here.

Now let’s compare that to a similar visual per my analogy; imagine a home that looks like every other home in the neighborhood. It is a neutral beige color, the lawn out front and the obligatory planting scheme is trimmed per the homeowners association code. The interior is filled with the almost guaranteed ‘Live. Love. Laugh.’ sign and all the other accouterments of good bargain buys from shopping trips to home goods. This house, as pleasant as it is, lacks zest. The drive to explore within it is zero, and charm? Not so much. It’s like every other house you expect to see. And this is how I was seeing myself - telling myself “fit a collective panel's preconceived criteria of beauty.”

Self love, real self love is knowing, I repeat, KNOWING that you are not going to fit someone else’s criteria of beauty and you don’t care. I again repeat - you don’t care.

It’s about loving the home you have been given, in each season of your life.

Truly, if you had the choice between vacationing in a mediterranean villa or a carbon copy version of a track home - which would you choose? You’d choose the villa! Our differences, our quirks, our dynamic heritage that has been passed down to us (that mind you, you also had no choice in anyways) IS what makes us interesting. Is what makes this body you have been given - unique, magnificent, charming.

There are things we’d like to change, renovations perhaps that we want to work on - good. Every home needs maintenance, updates, renovations, gutting and starting fresh on the rare occasion. The point that I am driving at here is that there are many ways to visualize self love. Because, for me, being told to “love myself” doesn’t quite work in my head. I needed something to grasp onto.

So when I’m feeling like “ugh, I just want my body to be... I wish my body was… Why can’t I look more like…” I stop. I think about my mediterranean villa and remind myself - my body does not need to be anything other than what it is. If I want to make changes, then plan and commit to making those changes. But right now - let’s enjoy the experience with what I have; a Mediterranean villa. 

Try This For Yourself

Activity Framework - Use Your personality strengths, attributes, etc. as key descriptors and ask yourself - what does that look like?

For example; When I think of my husband - here is what I think of:

Utilitarian, authentic, strong, calm, has fortitude, caring, logical, inquisitive, capable, thinks about legacy, open

In my mind’s eye he’s a roughly hewn barn. This barn is built from redwoods that were milled from the property it sits on. It too has served many purposes over many lifetimes. In its current iteration; this barn belongs to a master craftsman, someone who cares about the things he owns and takes the utmost care of them. It’s comforting, it has a specific purpose, it can take all weather. It has swinging doors that open up, showcasing the inside - letting in the air and natural environment around it, it has a hay loft that is an expanded workspace. It’s a safe place to sneak away and work on your creative ideas unencumbered with the pace of life around you. It will stand the test of time.

Doesn’t that sound lovely? Wouldn’t you want to see this barn? Now you don’t know my husband, but given this description - Wouldn’t you want to meet him? Visualize yourself in this way and you can’t help but fall in love with yourself. Most importantly, you wouldn’t want you - any other way.