Incorporating 'What If...' During Life's Highs and Lows

This week has been a highlight of both high's and low's - Not to get too in the weeds, but my house has had back-to-back issues. And I do mean BIG issues - water damage, HVAC going kaput, our water heater expiring, our stucco needing to be replaced since the previous owner put a substrate over it that caused slumping... and that's not even everything (internally screaming). If this list makes you as a homeowner cringe, and ask yourself - "Did she buy a lemon?" You bet your sweet a** I too have had these thoughts and more. 

All these issues started creeping up in January and we just bit the bullet and made the updates happen. This week I can confidently say, I basically have a "brand new" house that is going to be good (on most things) for the next 20+ years. As my husband says, "Buy once, cry once." And there have been tears, but today I have nothing but relief. All these problems are fixed. Can you relate? When you KNOW you're over the hump and can breathe easier as a result? 

On the flip side; life doesn't stay at a peak for too long, it throws you new challenges, especially when you thought you were going to ride a high, for at least a bit ;). 

It's easy to think, "what?! why?!" BUT if you flip this narrative to, "what is my opportunity for growth in this challenge?" It leads you into your situation with curiosity instead of anger/frustration/despair. I love asking, "what if...?" 

What if... this situation taught me something about myself I didn't know I was capable of?

What if... there is an unseen opportunity through this that I didn't know was even possible for me?

What if... this changes the trajectory of my journey/life for the better?

Don't get me wrong, when you're in the thick of it and asking yourself 'what if?' isn't cutting it - and I've been there too. Sometimes, venting and sitting in the discomfort is the catharsis needed (this is where a coach or therapist are REALLY helpful). But I've shared my high, so what about my low of the week?

As a coach, the first thing you learn is that although you are a support figure, you are not - and I repeat NOT able to change anyone. Period. As much as you would REALLY like to be able to. Each person has their own journey and you are there to help be a guide, but at the end of the day - they have to make the change.

There is someone close to me that shared something personal with me and it got me both angry and it made my heart hurt. I want change for them, I want change for them so desperately. I want them to love themselves so wholeheartedly that they show up for themselves 100% of the time, that they make decisions, more in-line with what they want in life, that they take just a brief pause to think about the potential consequences of their actions and is that really what they want for themselves?

I share this because there will be people in our lives that we see SO MUCH POTENTIAL in and for whatever reason, they don't see it in themselves. You want to just shake them, thinking that might help them 'wake-up!' I'm here to say it won't. The best catalyst for change that I have witnessed is looking inward, and being the best example you can be for those around you. What's more powerful than someone showing you that what you thought wasn't even possible for you...is? Which leads me back to, 'what if...?' 

What if... your example WAS the difference?

What if... your kind words WERE what mattered?

What if... listening wholeheartedly without judgement WAS what they needed? 

So, the next time you find yourself defaulting into what I call "victim mode" - pause and ask yourself, "What if...?" And see where it takes you 💕.