Nurturing Strong-Willed Children: When We Feel Good Inside

We’re in the midst of parenting a strong-willed 3-year-old. He has his opinions; he is focused on his desires and compromise is not something that is really part of his world view. Now layer on the fact that he is the kid that picks up everything from daycare and is on a consistent cycle of staying home to recover from the kid sicknesses he picks up – which makes navigating our day-today (2 Full-Time working parents over here) more difficult. It means regularly putting your own plans for the day on the back burner, doing what absolutely needs to get done and focusing instead on caretaking. However, anyone with a sick kid at home knows that unless they are really sick, they still have a ton of energy – hanging out on the couch glued to their favorite movies has a shelf life. So, what do you do the rest of the time? You get creative on ways to expend energy, where ideally you aren’t taking them out to places where co-mingling with other kids could potentially happen.

The latest creative way we have found to expel energy, without spreading germs and being able to be half focused on work pings is heading out to local creeks. Now, I recognize that not everyone has the luxury to live in a place that has access to the outdoors that we do in Northern AZ, but I want to encourage you to find your own version of this.

Because the catharsis of the outdoors makes parenting strong-willed children easier. Sticks, rocks, running water, frogs, bugs…these capture my son’s attention in a way that no TV, toys or manufactured activity does. And it makes each of us feel good, on the inside.

This feeling is something that I decided to write on this week, because parenting has a lot of outside pressure – there’s spoken and unspoken expectations of how children are supposed to behave, how you as a parent are “failing” or “succeeding” and a spectrum of ideologies to subscribe to… It’s enough to make you go crazy and as a parent that actually gives a sh*t, it makes it harder, because you’re invested in their journey and candidly - don’t want to f*ck  it up.

If you’re reading this; I know you care and I’m sorry if you’re going through your own hard time. Just know you have an AZ mama in the trenches with you, sending you all the good juju as you work through your own parenting challenges, whatever they may be.

So, having moments of where you feel good about what you’re doing as a parent and you can tell that your kids are feeling good (inside) too, they seem to come in rare moments. So, in a pursuit to be more proactive in creating more of this environment in my day-to-day life, because I can’t drop everything and go hang out by creeks all day long, everyday – I came across the book ‘Good Inside’ by Dr. Becky Kennedy.

When one of the book reviews starts as, “At a time when parents are sorely lacking in stamina and resources, Dr. Becky’s wise words and deep insights offer a treasure trove of practical strategies and essential support.” Cue adding it to my amazon cart and choosing the fastest shipping time. AKA Get this book in my hands, RIGHT NOW! Theory is good, but I need practical advice.

I do my best not to provide unsolicited advice, but I do know that the flip side is that parents are strapped on time and want good recommendations from reputable sources. If you’re here reading this, consider this my stamp of approval on a parenting book that, in my opinion, lives up to what the cover says – A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.

As such, this article isn’t the click-bait ’10 Tips to Make Your Day Easier with A Toddler,’ although I would click on that – again, wanting all the practical tips over here! But a deeper point – we’re trying our hardest, doing the best we can and sometimes our lives fall into the category of ‘nope, I have not a damn clue what I am doing, and I need help.’ Dr. Becky’s book is a great place to find wisdom that you may be seeking. If you love the book and want more – she does have a community (albeit paid) where you can tap into for more workshops, guest speakers and additional resources to guide you on your parenting journey.

I’ll share one last parting tidbit from her book that I have highlighted, underlined, dog-eared (you name it) from chapter 2. “I am always looking to hold two realities at once: I can parent in a way that feels good to me and to my kids, that involves firm boundaries and warm connection, that gives my kids what they need today and sets them up for resilience in the future.” Amen.